Fuck the formalities, let’s get a-hatin’!
Old people eating
I can’t stand the sight and sound of people chewing and unfortunately, I subject myself to this so often. Partly because I inhale my food and finish 10 minutes before anyone else at the table, and because I might be a bit of a masochist. There’s something about old people eating that just agitates me beyond belief. I don’t know if it’s the fact that they usually can’t tell that there’s something stuck to their fucking lip and I sit there praying to Allah that they’ll wipe it off, or maybe it’s their saggy dulap flapping to and fro while they chew. Something about it just makes me want to end my life there and then, but I can never look away and I hate myself for it. If I had a secret to keep, you could pull my toenails out and although I’d scream and cry, I’d hold onto that secret… but make me watch oldies eat for 20 minutes and I’ll tell you I once pooped in the shower. Even if I didn’t.
Overly groomed beards
Why Tony Stark, why? Now every cuntbag out there feels the need to trim and manicure their beard to the point of it looking pencilled-on. Let’s leave that to girls and their eyebrows, ok? Facial hair is awesome just the way it is. Actually I love overly groomed beards. They make it way easier for even the most untrained eye to spot a douche.
Trance music
I believe in giving any type of music a chance but I am certain that, unless I’m rammed full of drugs and chewing my own lip off, that I’ll never quite get trance music. I’ll listen to dubstep and electro and metal, but the few times I’ve been subjected to trance have made me wish I was at a Bieber concert. My hatred for it is amplified by the fucking decor used at any trance/psy-trance event (honestly, I don’t know the difference). It always looks like a bunch of hippie superheroes (saving the world one spliff at a time) ripped up their tie-dye spandex and strung them across the ceiling. I love the fact that people enjoy it and I’ve watched enough videos of shirtless, shoeless, and probably jobless Capetonians losing their shit to the monotonous ear-fuckery to know that I must be missing something. But I just don’t get it. I believe, to an outsider, every single genre of music can sound the same… but trance takes the same-ness to the mind-numbing extreme. I’ve been to 3 trance parties in my life, and all 3 times I maintained an open mind and tried to enjoy myself but I simply couldn’t. I left every time knowing exactly what a pavement feels like when it’s being smashed up by a jackhammer. I can conclude by saying: if you can’t enjoy music sober, it’s probably crap.
Ugg Boots
These. fucking. things. are. done. In fact, they were done the day they were designed. I saw a girl wearing some today and I wanted to set them alight. Let’s get all Middle Ages on this shit, round up all the last Ugg boots and burn them at the stake.
Happy Friday everyone. Untamed Youth at Great Dane tonight. Come watch me vomit on myself.
xx