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This one may be outside your wheelhouse boys but give it a shot for me please?
I have a buddy whose hardrive I recently took a look at and turns out hes into some serious fucking wackjob porn. Nothing illegal, but this shit was hectic and made me upchuck in my mouth a little.
I think he may have a serious problem here. Ive read about Porn Addiction and think he may be suffering from that. I think he needs to see a therapist or something. How do I bring this up and get him help without him punching me in the dick?
-Adickted
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Good day, Adickted
Right off the bat this is a real tough one. Being a man, you should know that no man – and I mean NO MAN – should ever get between another man and his porno! It’s a sacred relationship. There are also large risks in this equation. You could have disrupted the balance of your friendship as one lost wank by your friend might send him into a mad fit of delirium.
Hormones are complicated things!
However, if he’s got the real freak nasty stuff on there, it might be time to get him some help. Anything beast or midget orientated, I believe, is too far, as the human mind is a delicate thing and such images will definitely put someone in the weird zone! That being said, imagine midget animal porn… That is hilarious!?
Aaaaaand back to the point… You’ve got to ask yourself, has my friend ever looked at a dog/cat/horse in a strange way? Has he ever commented on the cuteness of a midget? All those little hints are a surefire sign that you are losing him and he will soon be head-deep in the oversized vagina of the porn industry.
Unlike porn I think you should be gentle in this case.
Yours in being scarred by porn,
Dr. Love ‘n Stuff
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Dear Adickted,
I believe it’s a fundamental understanding we’re all supposed to share that, when “opening treasure chests”, if you don’t like the treasure, the polite thing to do is tuck the knowledge away in your “socially crippling shit I know about my mates” folder and leave it at that. If we can’t all agree to that, I don’t want to live in this world anymore.
Your pal’s all right in my book. He’s a man comfortable enough to lend you a drive with his darkest desires on and trust you not to make a big deal out of it and look what you did – you aired his dirty (probably) laundry on a public forum – you wanker!
So you didn’t like the smut on offer? Left you a little dead inside? Can’t un-see it? Well big fucking deal. Welcome to technology. Thanks to things like Chat Roulette, Tubgirl, Goatse, “2 girls 1 cup” and that potential rapist in every office who’s questionable email list you’ve somehow found yourself on – we’ve all been irreparably ruined in some way. So it was your time. Stop crying about it. You’ll cope.
Don’t repay your generous buddy for lending you his drive with a big weepy intervention. Don’t rub his nose in the turd you just found on your mind-rug and make him feel worse than he already does about it. He knows what he likes – it probably keeps him up at night.
So grow up and get off that moral high-horse. Your pal’s got a hobby and, if it makes you feel any better, one that probably keeps from doing that shit with real people.
Kisses,
Dr. Matt Thornton