Hello again. Don’t mind me, I’m just losing my fucking mind over here.
People who talk on their phones at the top of their voice
I’m that guy who sits in cafes and pretends to work on his laptop, so yes, I’m pretentious and annoying. But fuck me sideways there is a breed of human far more annoying than myself and I’m subjected to their ear-rape all the time. No I don’t want to hear about your million-rand business deals. No I don’t want to hear about how “legendary” your weekend was. No I don’t want to know about your chubby wife’s bedroom antics. These people are like Jehovah’s Witnesses – shoving their story down your throat – except you can’t slam a door in their face or shoo them away with a hosepipe. When I answer my phone in a public place I either step outside or I make sure my mouth volume is at an acceptable level. So please, people, unless you have the peanut-buttery-voice of Morgan Freeman and you’re discussing buttercups and tulips, keep your shit to yourself.
Taken 2
Proof that the karma-bitch is alive and kicking. All my hatred for the first installment of this crime against humanity has come back around to have it’s way with me. I’ll no doubt be left twitching and mumbling on the floor with blood seeping from my eyes and brain-goo dribbling from my ears. To all those responsible for the release of this film, from the director to the cameraman to the lady applying makeup to the haggard face of Liam Neeson, I sincerely hope there is a hell.
PS. I’m definitely going to see this movie as a test of my pain and bullshit threshold. Living through it will mean I’m invincible.
People who moan about what you post on Facebook or Twitter
Ok seriously. This hurts my brain. I know I post a lot of crap on my social media accounts, but to message me and whinge about it? Really? Can you not feel irony’s massive dick blapping you on the forehead? Did you forget that at some point in your life you clicked that “follow” button? Or you decided to view the post your friends shared? Do you realize that instead of asking me to tailor my posts to you, it would require much less effort to just un-follow me or just ignore what I post? C’mon, use that squishy grey stuff in your skull.
Down-the-middle-ness
Oooooooh shit, this angers and saddens me. I know your life is none of my business, and this is going out there to no one in particular but good lord, pull your shit together and stand for something. Love some shit! Hate some shit! Make a decision and stick by it. Form an opinion and fight to defend it. Believe in something! Yank the double-sided dildo of mediocrity and indifference out of your ass and do something. Anything. It doesn’t matter if you’re right or wrong or if you fail or succeed, just do it. The worst that could happen is you learn a lesson. While you’re sitting so firmly on the fence of life, millions of others are jumping to and fro over that motherfucker and not giving a crap. Do the same. It’s a shitload of fun and mostly harmless. Some people will hate you for it and some will love you for it but either way you’ll find yourself slowly clawing your way out of the unmemorable, insipid sewage-leak that is your life. Nick’s pep-talk over.
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Have a lovely weekend everyone. Kisses.