’300: Rise Of An Empire’ Was The Battle Nobody Cared About [Review]

What sounds better? The Spartan roar of “Ah-hoo!” or the rest of Greece’s whimper of “Yeaaaaahh!”? That’s what I thought. One is iconic and testosterone fueled. The other is just… meh. Consider this analogy as an accurate summation of what 300: Rise Of An Empire is about because portraying the Battle of Artemisium was something no one actually gave a fuck about.

When I saw the trailer for 300: Rise Of An Empire, my immediate reaction wasn’t excitement, but rather something along the lines of “What’s the point of this again?”. Although the sequel is based on Frank Miller‘s much anticipated unpublished work, titled Xerxes, the film falls flat of any expectations you might have based on the author’s other work. Unfortunately in this case we don’t even get to say that the book was better.

300 2 (shuttup, that’s what I’m calling it from here on out) starts off as a prequel, as we’re rewound back 10 years prior to the events of the first movie. This prequel covers the backstory of how the actions of some guy named Themistocles (Sullivan Stapleton) fucked up the future generations of Greece by killing the Persian king, King Darius.

The young prince who watched his father die by a Greek’s hand was of course Xerxes, and thus he vowed to destroy all of Greece once he grows up to become that evil, oiled up, mortal-turned-god covered in bling that we know and love from the first 300.

The rest of the movie’s story interweaves with the events of 300, revolving around the battles at sea between the naval fleets that Persian commander Artemisia (Eva Green) and Greek general Themistocles control. Of course there are still some interactions with the Spartans as Themistocles tries to unite Greece, but Queen Gorgo (Lena Heady) pretty much knows what her King will say to that.

With 300 director Zack Snyder apparently assisting with the production of this movie, they’re maintained the same look and feel as its predecessor, which means that pretty much from the get-go we’re thrown into a world of super slow-mo shots with copious amounts of blood flying everywhere.

Despite that, screenwriter John Kohnstad apparently wanted 300 2 to be a movie that could stand on its own without having to ride on its predecessor’s successes.

Why then is Rise Of An Empire riddled with references and even whole scenes from its pre/sequel? Sure, the movie revolves around Themistocles’ journey but constant reference is made to the Spartans we know and love. The name Leonidas is dropped every 6 seconds, as if the Greek battalion is made up entirely of guys trying to impress Spartan women at a frat party. Whole scenes are reused from the first film in order to clarify plot points in this one, and there was even one point where a CGI Leonidas made a brief appearance when Themistocles visits Sparta.

Although both movies have similar themes, there aren’t any memorable moments that really get you feeling the same heartache or pride that you felt in 300. The characters aren’t as nearly as well defined in this sequel despite the tons of father-son moments and backstories afforded the main characters. I guess we’re supposed to feel a sense of sympathy for Themistocles because of the burden he’s faced with, protecting a nation (which he ultimately doomed), but I don’t even feel any of that. Even when his men themselves are unconvincingly criticizing his efforts, all I could think of is whether or not I cared to see the final battle.

It comes down to Noam Murro’s directing and some pretty shoddy acting, and that just isn’t able to truly capture those emotions for the audience.

I will credit 300 2 for having a minor entertainment value though. You know, because of cool fight scenes, witty battle tactics and Eva Green’s boobs. If you’re a fan of Frank Miller’s original, I would say that you should still watch 300 2 for the sake of it, since you’re probably only going to watch it once anyway. You might as well also get it over and done with while it’s on the big screen because I can’t imagine how flat this movie is gonna fall on regular TV.

If you’re up for watching the rest of Greece try to attain the same beautiful death that the Spartans managed as free men, while watching a film try its hardest to attain the same epic feel as its predecessor, you’re gonna love this. But again I’ll ask, what would you rather go for, an “AH-HOO!” or “yeeeah!”?