What Makes Pretoria Secretly The Hippest City Of Them All

Okay so, cards on the table right now. There is very little snarky commentary in this article. In fact I practically have Henk’s dick halfway down my throat, but hear me out because I think I have legitimate cause. That out of the way, I have to admit I am extremely excited for Park Acoustics’ fourth birthday this Sunday. Far more so than I was about Rocking the Daisies tickets going on sale.

But it seems I was in the minority on that one, and it’s not just because I’m some hipster snob (I am that, yes, but it has only a marginal influence). Nor have I hit my head one too many times, even though the fact that I’m about to start dating a teenager would suggest otherwise. (more on that another time).

My biggest issue with South African festivals is that they always bring bands that I really don’t give a toss about. I also think it is an issue a lot of us have (well barring the die hard punk and metal kids who seem perfectly okay with listening to the same bands they listened to in high school when they were hormonal and angsty). I mean, you just have to struggle to remember Yellow Card at Oppikoppi last year. Beyond Ocean Avenue nobody knew any of their set-list. In fact that they announced that they were re-mastering and releasing that entire album proves they’re has-beens.

The last place I would expect this not to be the case when it comes to line-ups is Pretoria. It’s probably one of the last places in the country where conversations with and about non-whites are still prefaced by, “I’m not racist but”, (the rest of us are polite enough to pretend our prejudice doesn’t exist anymore). It is the home of the un-ironic mustache, and generally considered a cultural wasteland by it’s oh-so-hip sister cities. I think even Durban is considered cooler than Pretoria. This doesn’t detract from the fact that Snorsville is home to probably the most relevant music festival in the country. And the best bit? It happens not once but 11 times a year!

It’s also co-run by a guy that used to trash his gran’s place for fun.

Park Acoustics kind of emerged in the death throes of a once thriving music scene. Places like Tings and Times, the “Old” Zeppelins, and Nile Crocodile were pretty great places to go see live bands, but like all good things they tended towards entropy and disappeared or just changed location, management, etc and became kak. Hotbox Studios, also run by Henk van der Schyf and his partners, threw the raddest parties but that too was shut down. So Park Acoustics, which started with a meager crowd of 180, soon became the default choice for anyone who wanted to see a band and not make the trek to Jolburg to do it in a decent venue (not that we even have any of those).

So while Oppi is busy reliving its childhood, and Rocking the Daisies is catering to the brosters, Park Acoustics is quietly sitting up there in the great brown north pushing boundaries and tricking you into being cool and pushing your envelope a little. The stunt they pulled when they booked John Wizards and Spoek Mathambo to open for Desmond and the Tutus was sheer brilliance. Nobody up here would have really cared if either of the former two had headlined, but simply slotting in indie crack at the end of it all meant that two of the most interesting bands in the country at the moment got a decent crowd to play to. Yes, Pretorians, you were just tricked into being cool.

This coming Sunday is no different. There will be all the local heavyweights from pretty much every currently popular genre drawing in all the drones. There will also be St Lucia. Almost nobody barring a small group of people even know who the hell they are, let alone the fact that they used to be from here (respectfully, we’ve been on this). Most people I’ve asked said they only started listening to them after they were announced as headliners, and mainly to figure out who the hell they were. As if you needed more proof that Henk and the Park Acoustics team are mind ninjas.

Somewhere along the line while we weren’t looking, Pretoria became the coolest place in the country. They even have a Facebook Page to prove it.

If you haven’t already bought a ticket for this weekend you can (the power of Horus and Osiris compels you) do so here